Altered Universe
www.altered-universe.com





Lady Gaga’s Absurd
Story


Other Stories


November 18,
2010


Previous  |  About  |  Next





Send us stories from your altered universe at stories@altered-universe.com


Previous  |  About  |  Next











"They
tried to take me away," Lady Gaga began. 

"Who
were they?" Officer McNeely asked.

Lady Gaga opened her mouth and started to answer
the question, but before she could speak, one of the policemen said "Excuse me
Lady Gaga, I'm terribly sorry to interrupt but do you have some more sugar? My
tea is a bit bitter." 



Lady Gaga snapped her fingers and in came her servant bearing cubes of sugar on a silver tray. The policeman promptly took two using a long 





silver pair of chaussures and dropped them into his cup of bitter tea. He stirred the tea with a silver tea-spoon while Lady Gaga, Officer McNeely, and the rest of the police force looked on and waited. 


The
policeman, after stirring the tea took the cup by its handle and with a raised
small finger took a sip of the bitter tea.

"Hmmmmmm,"
said the policeman. He looked at Lady Gaga and Officer McNeely and the rest of
the gentlemen. He put the cup down and placed it on its saucer and began to
munch on some bread with jam.

"So?"
asked Lady Gaga.

"Better.
The tea tastes better now. Thank you very much," said the policeman.

"Verrrrry
good," said Lady Gaga, rolling her Rs to emphasize the word "very". "All set
everyone?"

"All
set," replied the gentlemen.



Lady Gaga sat straighter, fixed her rumpled skirt with her hands, took a deep breath, and began to speak.

"They tried to take me away," Lady Gaga said.

"Who were they?" Officer McNeely asked.

"I first noticed them in the crowd while I was singing on stage. One was wearing a blue St Tropez tunic and a wrap-around silver skirt with bead details. She looked very pretty and sophisticated. But she also looked very nervous. She kept looking at the man sitting beside her, at the same time glancing at me every so often and fidgeting with her purse."

"Now this man beside her was wearing a light blue jacket with white shoulder patches. He looked very big and menacing with his deep-set eyes and he had completely shaved head. He kept staring at me, making me feel very uncomfortable. But thankfully I managed to finish my song and dance number," Gaga said.

"When the crowd finished their applause, I glanced at where the two were sitting, but they were gone. I thought they already left but I was wrong. I didn't see them again until later, while we were touring the newly opened Reptile Wing."

"Later, while the rest of the group toured on, I stayed by the crocodile cage and thought about a design for my next outrageous costume, possibly including a live animal, most likely a reptile."

"And while standing there in front of the cage contemplating on my next costume, I was interrupted by a voice close to me ear that said "No, don't even think about it."





"I
turned around and found the menacing man and the nervous, pretty girl standing
behind me! I asked them who they were."

"We
are Guardians of the animals! Please stop hurting them!" said the man.

"And
please stop wearing them!" said the girl.

"Then
they grabbed my hands and dragged me outside, towards a parked car."

"What
are your going to do to me?" I asked them

"We
are going to show you how it feels to be them!" said the man.

"We
are going to EAT you!!!" said the girl.

"No!
DON'T!" I shouted. I started to run but they got hold of my meat dress. And I
suddenly remembered the pepper spray I was keeping under my meat bra.

"I
whirled around and sprayed their eyes with pepper spray!"

"AAHHHHHHH"
said the man

"NOOOOooooooo,"
said the girl.

"Then
something amazing happened," said Lady Gaga. "They both started to turn into
crocodiles!"

"I
continued spraying them with my pepper spray until they have completely
transformed into those hideous animals. They quickly ran away and jumped into a
water pool."

"I
was so shaken that I decided to just go home and rest."

Lady
Gaga paused…

She
closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.

"And
that gentlemen, is what happened to me," finished Lady Gaga.




For
a few minutes nobody was able to speak. Officer McNeely and the rest of the
police force all stared at Lady Gaga in disbelief.

"I
am tired now," said Lady Gaga. "I would like to rest some more."

"We
understand Lady Gaga," said Officer McNeely. "We'll just go back to the zoo and
investigate the crocodiles there."



"Thank
you very much," said Lady Gaga.

Officer
McNeely and the rest gathered themselves and began to leave the house. When
outside the house, McNeely talked to his officers.

"What
do you think guys?" he said





"I think she's nuts. Her story is the most absurd story I have ever heard," an officer answered.



"Oh
yeah, really nuts. Humans turning into crocodiles? Come on," said another
officer.





"Let's all just go home and consider this case closed," suggested another one.



"Yeah,
I guess we could all go home now," said Officer McNeely. He felt for the car
key inside his breast pocket but it wasn't there. He checked his two front
pockets then his back pockets but he couldn't find the it.

"Wait
a minute, I think I left the car key in Lady Gaga's house. Let me just go back
and check. Wait for me here," said McNeely as he started to go back to Lady Gaga's
house.







Before reaching the front door, Officer McNeely looked up and was startled by what he saw in one of the upstairs bedroom window. What he saw was an outline of a man standing behind the curtains. The man was big. He looked as if he had been observing the policemen from behind the curtains. McNeely felt for his gun. 

The man started to move away from the window. As he did so, a sudden gust of wind blew the curtain away. McNeely caught a glimpse of the man's face, and was stunned by what he saw. The man has menacing deep-set eyes and has a completely shaved head. 

It's the man from Lady Gaga's absurd story!






TO
BE CONTINUED…




Lady Gaga's house


Lady Gaga tired


nuts


The man behind the curtain!